Asterisk

I picked up a copy of the new freebie community newspaper last night at the laundromat. They’ve decided to print the headlines in Arial Rounded MT Bold for some reason, but it was otherwise unobjectionable. Unobjectionable, that is, until I got to the obituaries.

The first one on the page had a picture of a relatively young guy. Turns out he was 50. As I read the family roll call I realized that he must’ve been gay. The list of survivors began with the sentence Jeffrey is survived by his friend, Ronald S. Ronald was followed by a listing of Jeffrey’s living brothers and sisters, who were followed by a listing of Ronald’s living family.

I thought that was sweet. Sweet that the obituary had been written to include both of their families, just as you see in many obituaries of straight married people. Sweet that Jeff and Ronald were comfortable enough with their homosexuality to do that so publicly in rural Ohio. It’s a real sign of progress. But something bothered me about it, and as my clothes hit the final spin cycle I figured out what it was.

Friend. Ronald was identified as Jeff’s friend. That’s not typical use even in a small town like this one, especially when you make it clear in the same paragraph that you consider each other’s family your family. An out and proud person generally doesn’t willingly downgrade his apparently long-term, committed relationship to friendship.

Later, I checked the funeral home’s website for the original version. It didn’t say friend. It said Jeff is survived by his partner, Ronald S.

I checked the websites of two other newspapers, one in the nearest city and one where Jeff had lived. Both used the word partner. Clearly someone at this little community newspaper made the change on his/her own. I sent an email requesting clarification on the change this morning, but I don’t expect to hear anything. ¹

This is one more reason that civil marriage equality needs to happen. We need to be permitted to marry just like straight folks do and finally use the terms that they do.

It was easy for some small town editor to cross off the word partner and substitute it with friend. Would it be as simple or as accepted to cross off the word husband from a man’s life?

As a final insult, the reality of Jeff’s life was whitewashed even after he died. Presumably it was done for the comfort of  people reading the obituary. But Ronald didn’t bury a friend last week. He buried his long-time companion, his lover, his partner.

His husband.

¹ Less than an hour after publishing this post, I received the following response from the editor of the New Carlisle (Ohio) News:

Matt,

Thank you for contacting the New Carlisle News.

The editing of Jeffrey [redacted]‘s obituary was an editorial decision.

Dale Grimm
New Carlisle News

(Here’s a screencap of the email.)

Just so everybody’s clear, Mr. Grimm censored an obituary to hide the fact that the person who died was gay. Unbelievable. I find more than a little pathetic that Jeff’s pride and honesty in life was trampled immediately upon his death.

Dale Grimm, who also owns ISP KBAnet.com, can be contacted at 1-877-652-2638 or (937) 284-2715. Or if you prefer email, contact him through this contact form at NewCarlisleOhio.net or this one at his hosting business, though I wouldn’t be surprised to see that disappear again (like it did a few minutes ago). ⇧

Elkhorn Area (Wisconsin) High School (Home of the Fighting Elks!) teacher Sarah Arnold is making news this week for designing and teaching an 37-day unit on hidden homophobia for her 11th grade English students. Since others have handled the predictable kerfuffle raised by the anti-gay crowd, I decided to take a closer look at the unit itself.

What I found was an impressive tool for teaching not just tolerance and acceptance of others, but a guide to critical thinking that will be an asset to Ms. Arnold’s students for the rest of their lives.

According to Teaching Tolerance (where the entire unit plan has been made available), the unit began with an essay on what makes each student different in some way. This was followed by a screening of the Oscar-winning 1994 short film Trevor ¹, one that I must confess I’ve still not seen. Arnold’s students went on to view and discuss PBS’s The Life and Death of Billy Jack Gaither, CBS’s Gay or Straight?, MTV’s True Life: Gay Parents, Race, Gender, and Sexuality, and HBO’s The Laramie Project. All of these were viewed in the classroom followed by group discussion and essays.

There was also required reading, such as the short story A Rose for Charlie and a choice of novels including Alone in the Trenches, Geography Club, and So Hard to Say, with in-depth discussion for each.

Ms. Arnold also led the class through other academic exercises, such as a massive portfolio project and an exploration of G.W. Allport’s Five Levels of Prejudice:

Allport defined five ways that prejudice can be expressed or acted upon. These five types of prejudiced action are :

1. Antilocution (name calling, stereotyping)
2. Avoidance (defamation by omission, exclusion)
3. Discrimination (refusal of service, denial of opportunity)
4. Physical Attack (threat of physical violence, murder)
5. Extermination (mass assassination, genocide)

One vital detail I noticed is that none of the resources used were religious in nature. Ms. Arnold didn’t include, for example, Mel White‘s Stranger at the Gate. By doing this, Ms. Arnold removed many of the religious objections and focused on the sociological aspect of the discussion. I think that given the public school setting, that was a wonderful decision.

So kudos to Sarah Arnold. She took a huge risk with a huge potential pay off. Again, Ms. Arnold’s entire eight-week unit plan is now available at Teaching Tolerance.

¹ This film led to the formation of The Trevor Project, a suicide hotline for LGBT youth. ⇧

There’s a new documentary being filmed for release this summer that looks to be a good future resource. Out of Annapolis is being made by LGBT alumni of the US Naval Academy to explain the real-life effect of DADT.

The message behind “Out of Annapolis” is that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender academy students and graduates admire the academy and the military, and want to serve their country. But federal law and the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy requires them to hide their sexual identity if they want to serve in uniform.

Here’s the rough trailer for Out of Annapolis:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ETHwZt7p6E[/youtube]

One bit I want to highlight, because it’s part of the problem not just with DADT, but with the closet in general. An unidentified retired officer says:

I spent six months on a ship with three guys that I spent all day with as my roommates, and I hear about what they’re going through with their wives, or their kids, or anything like that, and I can never share. And I felt like a liar; that the relationships and the friendships I was forming on the ship, I always withheld a part of myself. So nobody really knew me. Nobody…there was no connection, there was no strong sympathy. It added to just the overall stress of performing in combat.

Many of the interviewees for the film are also members of USNA Out, an organization of LGBT Naval Academy Alumni. It’s worth noting that the film doesn’t seem to be casting aspersions on the Naval Academy, just relating their experiences and hoping to help people understand the damage being done by a prejudicial policy.

For more on Out of Annapolis, please visit the documentary’s website.

AfterElton reports this morning that Soulforce co-founder Rev. Dr. Mel White with his son Mike will appear in season 14 of The Amazing Race.

Rev. Dr. White was once a ghostwriter for Jerry Falwell before coming out as gay and parting ways with the homophobic evangelical church. (His story is told in the documentary Friends of God and in his book Stranger at the Gate.) He is currently married to his husband, Soulforce co-head Gary Nixon.

White’s son, Mike, is known for appearing in movies like the brilliantly unsettling Chuck & Buck (which he also wrote), School of Rock (which he also wrote), and The Good Girl (which he wrote). He also wrote and directed Year of the Dog (starring Molly Shannon) and was one of the forces behind the shortly-lived fan fave series Freaks & Geeks (in which he also briefly appeared).

To have two gay men who are also relatives and who actively work to promote visibility and understanding on the show is really awesome. Let’s hope they last!

Here’s their intro video from the official The Amazing Race website:

And here’s the team’s bio.

Mike and Mel had a pretty typical family life until Mike was 11 years old, which is when Mel told the family that he was gay. Mel and Mike’s mother remained married until Mike and his sister, Erinn, went to college. Mel is now married to his life partner of 27 years, Gary Nixon.

Mike works as a writer, director and actor in Los Angeles. His writing credits include the feature films “Nacho Libre” and “School of Rock,” in which he also starred opposite Jack Black and Sarah Silverman, as well as the television series “Pasadena.” Mike and Mel are eager to spend some quality time racing around the globe. Mike describes himself as entertaining, thoughtful and “ridiculously pale.” These two might not be the most physical team on the Race, but they’ll surely compensate with their wit and communication skills.

Mel, a gay-rights activist, has worked as a writer, professor, filmmaker and a pastor and is eager to have a once in a lifetime experience with his youngest child. He’s confident that his people skills will give him an advantage over some of the other Racers. He describes himself as energetic, caring and passionate and enjoys scuba diving and racquetball. When asked who he would model his style of game play after, he pointed to Season 7 winners Uchenna and Joyce, while Mike will model his game play after the “never say die” attitude of Charla and Mirna.

Mike and Mel are well-traveled, opinionated and huge fans of the Race.

It’ll be interesting to see how Mel and Mike fare and how well they keep their dignity through the season. My only question: Will they be wearing matching clothes the entire season?

See update at bottom of the post!

I’ve been thinking a lot about Bishop Robinson’s speech before the Creating Change conference last year. You can find the entire speech here, and for today I’d rush you along to part two, in which Robinson says, “There is risk to be involved when you tell the truth.” It’s a fact that most everybody knows, and someone recently got a personalized reminder of it from the Catholic Church.

I wrote about Father Geoff Farrow back in October. Farrow is a Catholic priest who stood against Bishop John Steinbock of the Fresno diocese by refusing to endorse California’s Prop 8 (the one that removed civil rights from gay and lesbian Californians) from the pulpit. As expected, Father Geoff has been removed from his charge in the Catholic Church. His pension rights were immediately stripped, as were his health benefits.

Father Geoff Farrow pays the price for our civil rights.

But that wasn’t enough for the Catholic Church. Late last year, Father Farrow had been seeking employment with the Los Angeles chapter of an ecumenical charity. CLUE, or Clergy and Laity United for Economic Justice, provides assistance to the working poor throughout California.

Father Tony of the Bilerico Project reports:

CLUE derives a significant part of its funding from the Roman Catholic archdiocese of Los Angeles.

Today I spoke with a member of CLUE’s board of directors, Rev. James Conn, a Methodist minister and Director of New Ministries for the California-Pacific Conference of the United Methodist Church. Reverend Conn had been directly involved in the recruitment and interview process involving Father Geoff.

I asked him if CLUE had denied Father Geoff a second interview specifically because the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles threatened to cut off all its significant funding for CLUE should Father Geoff ever be offered the position in question.

As Father Tony goes on to point out, Father Geoff was not attempting to pass himself off as a Catholic priest in good standing, nor was the position he was interviewing for related to the split between him and the church.

Let’s be blunt about what Cardinal Mahoney of the Los Angeles archdiocese is doing: In the middle of the biggest recession in decades, he is threatening to shut down a charity that helps the poor in order to keep a former priest from earning a living.

Shame on you, Cardinal Mahony. Shame on you for laying aside the words of Jesus and the needs of the poor in favor of mob tactics and pride.

Update: Father Geoff has confirmed Father Tony’s reporting of the incident.

In brief, I had applied for the position of Executive Director of a non-profit organization in Los Angeles. I had very successfully completed the lion’s share of the interview process and was all but assured that I would be given the position. I had one final interview left with the Board of Directors on December 15th, 2008. Two days before that interview, I received a phone call from a Board Member informing me that the final interview had been canceled. He was extremely apologetic and explained that they had received a phone call from the Archdiocese threatening them with disaffiliation if I were to be hired as the Executive Director.

…

I have received first a command and then, “warnings” not to publish, not to speak with the media, and not to make public appearances. I am in a “David and Goliath” scenario with powerful churchmen who have the staff and vast wealth of the institution at their command. I was effectively blackballed by the Archdiocese from obtaining the position at CLUE-LA and I am aware that the hierarchy may try this and other means to attempt to intimidate me into silence.