Shame, Selfishness, and the Religious Right

One of yesterday’s lectionary passages was Mark 8:34-38 (NLT).

³⁴Then, calling the crowd to join his (Jesus’) disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. ³⁵If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. ³⁶And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul [or yourself]? ³⁷Is anything worth more than your soul? ³⁸If anyone is ashamed of me and my message in these adulterous and sinful days, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”

While my preacher started a wonderful sermon based on this passage, my mind wandered a bit. I began thinking about shame and the place that it once had in my life, just as many in religious communities had taught me it should. When I started coming out two years ago, I realized that in the process of making that teaching work, the element of shame had grown until it wasn’t just aimed inward.

It had become shame of Jesus.

I was ashamed of a god who would create such a cruel set of circumstances. Prayers to become straight didn’t work, so I was ashamed of a god who would taunt me in such a way. Later prayers to just turn off the romantic and sexual aspects of my psyche didn’t work, and I was ashamed of a god who would leave me alone to suffer.

Only when I started to come out that I realized how confusing that shame really was. I had to get “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Ps. 139:13) and “His deeds are perfect” (Deut. 32:4) and “I have come to you for protection” (Ps. 31:1) to work with “if only you would destroy the wicked!” (Ps. 139:19) while believing myself to be “detestable” (Lev. 18:22).

Above all of my self-shame was the shame of Jesus because he had the power to fix it and he didn’t. He wouldn’t.

That is what the Religious Right teaches, the only way I’ve ever found to make their theology fit with my reality. In place of God’s love and acceptance, they offer a god of fear and rejection, and they do it because that’s easier than having to consider how that message manifests in the lives of others.

To put it further into the context of this scripture, their message is selfish and bears witness to their own shame of Jesus and His message.

Of course, condemning us ruffles fewer feathers than getting their own house in order, so I don’t expect that to change. The important part now is getting the truly shameless message across to as many people as we can.