Archive for Humor category

Johnny Weir Too Flamboyant For Figure Skating. (Is that even possible?)

Posted by Matt in Humor, News, Politics on February 28th, 2010

The sports world is none too happy with three-time National Figure Skating Champion Johnny Weir. He’s just too flamboyant for men’s figure skating.

I’m glad Bryan Safi addressed this, because it’s been pissing me off. I mean, come on. It’s figure skating, for goodness sake.

ESPN’s LZ Granderson (who has the most fantastic locs in the universe) tackles the issue from a different and equally important angle.

[...] if some of us would take off our black-and-white blinders long enough — and perhaps stop acting the way we think we’re supposed to act — we might actually begin to see and appreciate the diversity within the lexicon of manhood. This philosophy isn’t just about creating an environment in which it’s comfortable for gay men to compete in sports. It’s also about creating a space in which it’s OK for straight men not to.

So with regard to the Olympics, I don’t think the question we should be asking is whether or not Weir being gay hurt his medal chances. That’s too surface for my taste. No, the real question is why so many dudes ignore, and are even threatened by, the possibility that Weir could be straight. Now that’s a conversation only real men can have.

Defining FABULOUS

On a side note, Tom and Lorenzo have ripped the Olympic Men’s Figure Skating costumes in their own inimitable way. (Ladies too!)

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Former Miss California Called on the Carpet for Winning Her Own Talent Competition

Posted by Matt in California, Christianity, Humor, Marriage, News, Politics on November 10th, 2009

We’re gonna run out of euphemisms here.

You remember Former Miss California, of course, from earlier this year when she became an overnight Idol for the National Organization for Marriage and the rest of the Religious Right because of her an incoherent answer in the Miss USA pageant. She was a woman of virtue, a pretty young girl, and a damsel in distress all in one convenient package.

Well that package seems to be cumming apart, as word of a solo sex tape has gotten out. It has ended her lawsuit against the folks at the Miss California pageant. More directly, the suit was reduced from one million dollars to attorney fees about a minute after the tape of her furiously masturbating started (with her mother in the room).

Anyway, this has all blown up in the last week and this morning Former Miss California was on the Today Show, ostensibly to talk about the new book that she “wrote” (one wonders if she’s even read it yet). Needless to say, her videotaped nail polish removal was discussed. Of course, she’s a victim (again), this time comparable to Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and Sarah “The Quitter” Palin.

Oh, and playing with the man in the boat is apparently not classified as sex. Because she said so.

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Keep an ear out for Former Miss California’s (cunni)linguistic skills at the 6:30 mark as she describes how shocked she was that the owner of the Miss USA pageant would objectify women. She also vacillates between the holiness of speaking her mind and the horror of others speaking their minds.

I have no problem with Former Miss California practicing her finger painting. I don’t even have a problem if she does it in front of a camera. I do, however, have a problem with her acting as moral arbiter while she does what she and many/most/all of her followers would call “disgusting” if someone else did it., which is reportedly what she called it before the camera panned up to show her face.

Hypocrite, pay attention to the words of your own Bible.

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Don’t Be A Dick.

Posted by Matt in Humor, News on October 20th, 2009

I recently had a post linked to by about a thousand people, which is awesome. It’s important that the information get out there, and I’m glad it is. Seriously. That’s awesome.

On the other hand, comments have asploded on that post. While I love seeing readers get involved in the discussion, it’s gotten way off topic and pretty out of bounds a few times. Therefore, I finally find it time to remind people of the comment rules. You can read them here. I’ve also taken this occasion to add a new rule number one, originally from Raphael Bob-Waksberg, aka Boring Old Raphael. Do me a favor and click on over to read his stuff. He’s hella funny, but he’s also 100% right in his post from July 29, 2009.

Rule Number One is Don’t Be A Dick.

Basically, what this means is, yeah, okay, technically you have a point, but, come on, man. Don’t be a dick.

Don’t Be A Dick is Rule Number One, and it supersedes all other rules. This is because other rules have loopholes, but Don’t Be A Dick has no loopholes.

Don’t say something mean just because it makes you look clever. Don’t not lend a hand just because you don’t have to. Don’t get so distracted by chasing your own happiness that you forget about everyone else. Stop allowing yourself to hurt others just because they are Not You.

Don’t always assume that other people are going to cheat you and take advantage of you, because if they’re also following Rule Number One, they won’t.

Give people the benefit of the doubt, even when you know — you know — they don’t deserve it. Don’t hold grudges. Forgive and forgive and forgive.

Call your grandparents. Remember people’s birthdays. Say God Bless You when people sneeze. You should always be struggling to be the best person you know.

Yes, hypothetically there might be some problems that just not being a dick won’t solve. People can have honest disagreements, things can break down, even when everyone really truly has the best of intentions. It’s possible that at some point, we’ll need a Rule Number Two.

But maybe let’s master Rule Number One first, and then we can talk.

So that’s my new Rule Number One. I expect it to be followed in comments.

P.S. The sudden and awesome influx of readers has also caused some periodic instability. I’m working on a solution, so hang tight with me. If you want regular updates, why not subscribe to my RSS feed? It’s easy and free and saves you some headaches.

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Marriage is Gay (I think Bryan Safi might be too)

Posted by Matt in Christianity, DOMA, Humor, Marriage, Politics, Saddleback on October 18th, 2009

I feel like I need a palate cleanser after all the increasingly offensive news last week. Here’s an awesome video about gay marriage from Bryan Safi of infoMania. The video is several months old, but I haven’t seen it in any of the popular haunts, so what the heck.

Okay. That was funny, but it didn’t quite do the trick. Here’s one about gay characters in commercials.

Oooh, there it is. Oh yeah. Do it. You do it. Yeah, that’s right.

(Thanks Bryan Safi and infoMania. You guys are the best.)

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