Asterisk

I stumbled across the most poignant piece of film this afternoon. More Than Ever, directed by Anthony Osso for The Devotion Project, debuted this past summer, but this is the first time those of us in fly-over country have had a chance to see it. The award-winning short film is about New Yorkers Bill Campbell and John Hilton, a couple who have been together for 54 years.

Watch it here in its entirety. (Have a box of tissues handy.)

Stay tuned for more from this wonderful series; word is that the second short film for The Devotion Project is nearly finished, with several more in the works.

Every once in a while I pull this video back out to puzzle over it. It’s an interview President Obama gave with NBC News’ Brian Williams on October 30, 2008, just five days before the election. I have it cued up to the relevant portion (1:38 – 2:01), but the entire question regarding Supreme Court Justice nominations is embedded if you want to see the context.

I mean, the— the right to marry who you please isn’t in the Constitution. But I think all of us assume that if a state— decided to pass a law saying, “Brian, you can’t marry the woman you love,” that you’d think that was unconstitutional. Well, where does that come from? I think it comes from a right to privacy— that may not be listed in the Constitution but is implied by the structure of the Constitution.

I’m not the only one who sees the direct contradiction between this and “God is in the mix,” am I?

Incidentally, I’ve long thought we should be using the “right to privacy” argument instead of the “love is love” one when talking about the right of civil marriage. It doesn’t hit people’s emotions as well, though, so we’ll just struggle along with “love is love.”

Last weekend, every Republican Presidential candidate with a chance of winning (plus Rick Santorum) appeared on stage at the Values Voter Summit, a meeting sponsored by two certified hate groups on par with (and one with ties to) the Ku Klux Klan and the Council of Conservative Citizens.

Family Research Council and American Family Association have both been considered hate groups by the Southern Poverty Law Center for some time now, and with good reason; both groups push their shared agenda with dangerous propaganda and outright lies about LGBT people.

To repeat: Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum all accepted the invitation of these hate groups (as they have for years), hoping to get their endorsements and the votes of like-minded individuals.

Do you really need more information before you cast your vote in the 2012 presidential election? What stance on which issue could possibly make it okay to vote for a candidate who has actively courted bigotry?

You guys. This. Is. EPIC.

Patti Stanger, a person I’d never heard of until Monday, is apparently the centerpiece of some millionaire matchmaker show on Bravo. You know, the Bravo that spends a lot of time courting a gay audience. For some reason she appeared on Andy Cohen‘s Bravo talk show Watch What Happens Live and made ridiculously offensive generalizations about gay men. It was horrifying for all involved, though she didn’t seem to catch the look on Cohen’s face.

(She also said that all Jewish men are liars, which is equally appalling.)

Okay, here’s what I want to know: Why in the hell didn’t Andy Cohen kick this useless pair of fake tits with bad extensions off the show when she told him that gay men can’t be monogamous? Or how about when she said that telling a man he looks straight is a compliment, because it means he’s not “queeny.” Bitch should have been out the door before that word got past her fake plastic lips.

I’m sorry, were we not supposed to mention how obviously fake they are?

But since Andy Cohen didn’t take that responsibility, pretty much the entire online community sounded a collective WTF for the next twelve hours. When Patti found out that people didn’t think her awesome stereotypes, while handy and time-saving, were hilarious, she took to twitter to “apologize.” Here’s what it looked like:

Okay, here’s where it gets personal for me. See, I caught wind of this mess during my lunch break at work, and like everyone who lives online, I checked on twitter, found the fake apology, and tweeted back a couple of my famously witty rejoinders, which included introducing Patti to Peter LaBarbera. I think they’d really hit it off.

Then CNN quoted one of my tweets. I’M FAMOUS, Y’ALL!!!

The quote came as part of an article about Patti’s appearance on Joy Bahar’s show on Monday night, in which she “apologized” again, then said that gays are whores. But she loves us, she really does. She has all sorts of gay friends!

Okay, first of all? No, that wasn’t the question. Scroll back up and check the tape. The question was from Dustin in Canton, Ohio, who wanted to know about open long distance relationships, not Tyler in Los Angeles, who wanted a commitment. (Tyler was the one you “complimented” by saying he looked straight, remember? I know we all look the same; maybe we could all wear differently colored hats to help you tell us apart.)

Secondly, yes, you said all gays, not “gays in Los Angeles,” which I’m sure would be offensive to a lot of LA gays, too.

Thirdly, Grindr can definitely have a sex-now atmosphere, but nothing in the culture surrounding Grindr requires me to locate a rest stop bathroom before I get fucked. I’m allowed to do that in my own house. (I know, right? THEY LET ME DO THAT!!) And the reason for Grindr’s GPS is that there aren’t a heck of a lot of us around, and it’s nice to know that I may not be able to swing a dead cat and hit a homo out here in Dayton, Ohio, but my brothers in arms are indeed out here.

(By the way, the straight equivalent of Grindr? 99 percent of bars, movie theaters, gas stations, schools, workplaces, and streets all across the country.)

Fourth, saying “I’m sorry if [insert person or group here] is offended” is not an apology. It’s an effort to move responsibility for what you did back at the other party. Either apologize or don’t; just don’t pretend to apologize. It’s offensive, it’s childish, and however little I may think of you, I’m pretty sure it’s beneath both of us.

Okay, let’s continue. (I just can’t get enough of Patti digging her hole deeper!)

Patti and everybody else needs to understand this last point, so I’m putting it in a nice bold font: Getting married to the person you choose is not a privilege. It is a Civil Right.

The US Supreme Court has defined choosing the person you marry as a Civil Right for nigh on a hundred years. Calling it a ‘privilege’ demeans the institution and the blood that was spilled to afford Americans — ALL Americans — that right.

Look, I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over some fame whore being a bigot. But honey, what you’re saying? They are words of bigotry. Own it. Saying that “The Gays” are categorically defined as whores, or even that we’re all great motherfucking home decorators, is not something you do if you have an atom of affection for a group of people.

And seriously, call Peter. He’d love to get his hands on your extensions, girl.

I could say so much about the anti-marriage constitutional amendment that the House and Senate of North Carolina approved this week. There are so many avenues, so many little bits of information that needs to be remembered now that the bill has been passed and placed on the May 2012 ballot.

I could talk about how the Republican majority in the House snuck the amendment onto the floor, disguising it as a bill on an unrelated and uncontroversial issue until the last minute on Monday afternoon, when the bill changed chambers, committees, bill numbers, content, and ballot date in less than 75 minutes. (Fortunately someone leaked the actual text late Friday.)

I could talk about how the Republican House Majority Leader Paul Stam refused to allow public comment before the vote, openly breaking North Carolina’s open meeting laws, saying that people would get to comment at the polls next May, so, you know, fuck ‘em.

I could talk about how Senator James Forrester, the major Republican sponsor in the Senate, went to a church last Thursday night and perpetuated the lie that gays live 20 years less than straight people, after which he said, “We need to … get them to change their lifestyle back to the normal lifestyle which we can accept,” as if he’s Big Daddy on the plantation.

Oh, and thanks to ThinkProgress, it’s on tape.

I could talk about how UNC Law Professor Maxine Eichner told the North Carolina Legislature that the vague language of the amendment endangers laws against domestic violence involving unmarried straight couples. Apparently that human collateral damage is okay with the Republican majorities, because both bodies voted the amendment through anyway, with eight Democrats joining the Republicans.

I could talk about how Community College instructor Johnny Hunter stood up in a press conference last Wednesday and banged two locks together to show how weird gays having sex is. That’s on tape too. (Don’t worry, it’s cued up.)

(And I’m sorry, that’s nowhere near as poetic as Dr. Camilla Bowner’s electric socket analogy.)

I could talk about how Republican House Majority Leader Paul Stam had such contempt for the process and for the American taxpayers whose rights he was taking away that he literally snacked on popcorn during Monday’s brief debate.

I could talk about all those things, but (378 words later) I won’t.

Instead, I’ll share some unfortunately relevant words from Rachel Maddow. It’s a quote that I’ve had in rotation over there on the right since she said it last year. (Image shamelessly stolen from Brian Gets Clarity.)

Feel free to pass it on.